Life

More than just “Summer Plans”

Graphic Design, Jobs, Life, Summer

The part after graduation and when you actually land a job is a journey that for some is long and for some is short. I studied to learn. I learned that I am in love with what I am learning. I want more. I want a job and I want it so I can continue learning and continue loving what I passionately do. But for me this journey hasn’t ended yet. It’s still happening. And I am tired. It’s been almost two years since I finished from university. I didn’t find a graphic design job, I only had a few freelance projects. But I am not tired only from all the searching. And apart from the constant disappointement and then getting back up again, there are things that I need to resolve with myself. I am at this point of my life when most of my friends are living a whole different life from me. Jobs, relationships, moving out, moving in with their boyfriends and girlfriends. I am mostly at the same spot I was before. And those two years I feel like I am blank. Sometimes, I don’t feel as alive as I should be. There is a void. I ask myself “How was those past 2 years?”. And there will be a long pause in the beginning and then I will find some memories that are good, but they can’t fill this void.

I wasn’t just waiting these years. I was searching for jobs. I was freelancing. I was working at different jobs for the summer seasons but they were just bad years. And I am tired of waiting. I know what I want. I want to live somewhere in France or Spain or Italy, but prefferably in France. I want to get there. Ofcourse I want a job that I would like but I would do anything until that moment arrives. Now the problem is that I’m stuck in my hometown. Money yes it is a big problem but if I wait to have enough money to leave, it will never happen. I want to reconnect with myself. I want to feel like me again. I want to have fun one summer. I want to work and feel good about it. I want some time off. Time off of the pressure I’ve put myself into.

So I took a decision. I started searching for ways that can get me out of here. Well a job is the obvious way but it’s not easy and it hasn’t happened for me yet. Plan B. Volunteering. After researching I came across the Workaway website. People host other people in their homes in exchange of some work in many things such as renovation, gardening, festival preparation, schooling, languages, childcare and many more. So I was searching for many days and the idea seemed good, so I signed up a few days ago. It would be dreamy if I could go somewhere and do my thing (graphic design stuff) although I wouldn’t mind anything else. So first step is to find people who want help with this. And I am so excited already. I am trying not to show it so it won’t be bad luck as it always happens. I already feel better. I can see it happening and I know that when I do this, it might be the beginning of something bigger!

Therapy

Greece, Life, music, Review

Almost a month ago I decided to move to the city (Thessaloniki) for a while, instead of staying at the village for the winter AGAIN! So, since I was finally gonna be in the city for more than two days, I was researching for the upcoming events. And by events I mostly mean music related events. I saw some unknown and some familiar names that were to come for a concert. I searched, I wrote down dates and had no certain plans. One of the badns that I wrote down on my calendar was Allah Las.

It’s been a tough year. And I constantly feel like I am wasting my time here. There are days that I feel so good, I have my dreams and I believe that I will succeed, I do my personal projects, but then there are days I feel useless and that my dreams are far away from happening. At my good days, I think that everything is possible and that being still where I am is something not so bad. But then who am I kidding. I know where I would want to be. I get a reminder every single day. So, this is happening for a year now.

It was the 25th of October. Friday. I had no plans. I didn’t want any plans. I just wanted to feel free to do whatever I want, whenever I want to. At noon I started thinking of maybe going to that gig. I asked if any of my friends wanted to come but no one was free. I didn’t mind. I spend my evening getting ready with not stress of being late or going too early to be in the front like I use to do in all the concerts I go. I got ready. Jeans, a weird strapless shirt, some old weird shoes and my sisters black leather jacket. I went with my sister for a walk at the city centre first. Then we walked to the venue, where she left me be. I wasn’t planning on going to the front row cause I didn’t know the songs and it would be weird not to sing, and also I didn’t think it would be empty when I got in. But it was. I quickly bought a beer and went in front row without thinking.

The band started playing. I fell in love with them. I didn’t feel that weird that I couldn’t sing cause I think you could tell I was into them by the way I was moving. I got lost in their sound, and the lyrics. My body was following the rhythm and suddenly every bad thought disappeared. It was just me and the music. At some point I went to buy a drink. Tequilla was the perfect choice for that night! I was feeling amazing.

I think my favourite moment must have been when they played the song Catalina. I hadn’t heard that song before. And I remember how emotional I got listening to those lyrics and the sad melody. I remember closing my eyes trying not to cry. But at the same time I liked the way it made me feel, cause it made me feel alive. I don’t think I will ever forget about this night.

The whole thing was amazing. I was feeling high from the music. And it was really inspiring. I can hold on to it forever. At the end I was so happy, I walked to the city centre to meet a friend, and I realized how fast I was going, and how happy my face was.

The strength that I absorbed from that night was magical. It was something I needed to hold on tight to this ride. So thank you Allah Las!

Summer 2019 Review

Greece, Jobs, Life, Review, Summer

Yesterday was my last day at my summer season job, at the bakery. I feel so much better already even if physically I am not. And I am beginning my “Summer 2019 Review” with this part cause it was almost the only part.

Part of me understands now the reason I accepted this job for second time. Last summer I didn’t know what to expect of it, but I gained a new good friend. We connected since day one and we both decided to work there again because we wanted to spend time together. Wrong in a way, but also not so much.

Working in Greece for a season job is terrible. There is something happening here that I don’t know when and how it got so out of hand, and it is so, so wrong. I blame both employers and employees, including myself. Employers take advantage of people who do not have a more permanent job by setting a higher price that emploees are willing to pay, mistakenly I believe, because it’s a job. So we accept everything they throw at us, not saying anything cause we are scared of being unemployed. We will accept the low wage, the non existing days off, the constant tiredness and health problems, the misbehaviour of our bosses, just to have a job that will barely help pay the costs. We need to be stronger and say no to these employers and they might begin to respect their emploees.

My personal experience for this season was better and worse. Better because I had more experience, I was in a better emotional state, and I was more motivated. My motivation was one word at first: PARIS. Then it became PARIS + VALENCIA. Then it was more like GETTING OUT OF HERE. And finaly it was GRAPHIC DESIGN. Which was in all the previous ones. It’s always there. But that is for another chapter of words.

So I begun working with my friend again, we were experienced, quick, smiling all the time, having such good time that customers were seeing us and were happy. We were the best duo. Laughing and singing while working and being excited. We thought we will actually make it this time. But then, somewhere in mid July, our health started falling apart. Body aches had begun, tiredness, routine, same people, same faces. It started getting less amusing. Ofcourse we always did something that was funny and made our day go by easily, but still. I started then putting sticky notes on the walls, just to remind myself why I was doing it. They were helpful but at the end it was really hard. I could barely walk at work some mornings, diziness was worse while working and there was constant pain on our arms and legs.

Our boss turned out to be such a bad person, a disgusting person. Fake as a tapestry. We realized what kind of person he was and he sensed that. So our relationship with him was really bad this time.

But all this is gone now, it’s over. I will never go there again. I want to keep only the good memories of that place, which is me and my friends adventures.

Other than that, there were those few moments I lived a little. Such as going to the beach with my friend, with a bottle of wine and cheese, and salamis and olives. I remember one specific moment. I went to swim right before the night falls. The sun was gone. There was only the afterglow. I was swimming topless. I was floating and I looked at the sky and I felt so peaceful and happy. And there was a weird feeling that I will keep forever.

There were a few days I went to walk, or have a drink. And there were the moments at my balcony. My house is at the top of a hill. There are not many houses around and late at night it’s very quiet. Exactly what I needed a few hours before I wake up for job. So almost every night I was sitting there, alone, staring at the sky, getting lost at daydreams and think. Just simple moments.

So apart from job, I must say that I was pretty good with myself. Yes there were some memories that still were torturing me somedays, but not all days.

I found peace!